A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. - Thomas Moore
CeCe it's been forever since we've been to a Mardi Gras parade and just hit these New Orleans streets girlie," says Elayna as I stood there, basking in jovial fun with my best girlfriend on a rather warm winter's day. No worries, no schedules to control the day, just time spent with my sweet friend. We needed a moment to break free of our busy lives and enjoy being youthful. Life had gotten so busy that sharing a fun moment was drowned out by the immense schedules we had to sift through. Even our monthly girls’ night out was off in a distance.
As we brushed our way through the crowd downtown, Elayna summoned me to look his way. "Oh, can I rush that?" thinking as I looked him up and down. "CeCe he looks like the guy my homegirl is dating," says Elayna. I eased up to him anyway, with an assurance of his acceptance and participation in the exchange. Yes, I'm a little cocky for a chic, but brief and subtle were my feminine tactics. However, I still wondered if I were coming on too strong? Too pushy? Did I have food stuck to my teeth? All the thoughts that usually clouded my ability to simply say, "Hi, I'm Corinn. Nice to meet you."
His eyes felt as though they were piercing my heart, a portion not yet disturbed. A shy hello and a few quick exchanges were initially given, along with a suspenseful gesture of the eyes. Hair so wavy, dark, and quite lustrous for a black man, I must add. I was accustomed to Caesar cuts and afros, not waves and sheen, as I lay in bed thinking of him later the same night. Would he like the sound of my voice? Could we have much in common? Will I respond nervously? What if he doesn't call at all? And just as those thoughts clouded my thinking, the phone rang.
I had never been as nervous to pick up a telephone as I was in that moment. And just like that, he had me at, "Hello." As the minutes rolled into hours and neither of us seem to have intentions of ending this chatter, we agreed to meet. Meeting a new guy at 2 a.m.? Was I insane? What had come over me? Whatever this magic was, I knew I needed this awakening. "Elayna, wake up. Merik and I are meeting at Cafe du Monde in 10 minutes. Check on me in a little while." That's girlfriend's code for "you might have to bail me out if he's crazy."
He was punctual, eloquent, his scent was divine, and those piercing eyes crept across every inch of my face as we continued our discussion on the usual man meets woman topics: Favorite colors, books, talents, family demographics, hopes and dreams, and all things in between. The worries I had earlier in the evening were soon dissipated as I learned that we had more than enough in common. "You have gorgeous curvaceous lips, in case you are wondering why I'm starring," says Merik. As I went into a rather demure stance while sipping that chicory coffee,
all I could come up with was, "Glad you can see anything without those bifocals on." He paused, and out comes the sexiest grin I'd seen on a man. "You've got jokes right? Good one! Real good," he flippantly replied. "Don't mess this moment up CeCe," as I watched Merik move closer to me. And without hesitation, in comes this passionate sensual kiss that sent a sizzling sensation from my spine to my legs. Why was I quivering so? Oh God, he's going to think I'm crazy or at the least, he'll think I'm afraid. "Are you ok? Were you not ready for me to kiss you? I apologize," says Merik. "No, it was perfect, just perfect," and for that moment, I allowed myself to be fully embraced in what felt like part of a dream I had no desire to awake from. Smitten by his brown eyes, soft curvy lips, the aroma of his skin, and the commonality we shared, I wondered what could go wrong? Three nights later, and Merik continued to get it all right.
New Orleans became home to me as I finished college and started working as a chef and part time food critic. My time here had been quite mediocre. Merik and Elayna were gone and my days and nights were spent designing meals, menus, and frustrating the master chefs of local eateries. I was missing something tangible, something to break the monotony of the new intangible part of my life where I daydreamed of being in his arms. I longed to be in his presence versus awaiting what had become our daily hours-long phone calls. I needed a change of
scenery, a change of pace, and I knew just where to go.
"Merik, what do you say we meet halfway this weekend?" And just when I thought my question had been too forward, he replied, "How about I fly to New Orleans instead? I can get there by 6:00 a.m. Friday, if you don't mind picking me up from the airport that early?" "No, I would love to pick you up. I cannot think of a better way to start the weekend." As I flipped through magazines in the beauty salon, I was taken back to the moment I quivered in Merik's arms as he kissed my lips. Would I still enjoy the taste of his lips? Could I keep my emotional and physical walls from imploding under the pressure of his touch? Although I had a consensus with God that I'd await my husband before I would become entangled in any further sexual acts, I had to admit I was thinking of Merik with intense passion. "Lord, help me to stay true to our agreement. I'll not allow passion and desire to lead me to bed with a man that's not my husband and you will create a space for me to become a wife to a man who will cherish and love me as Christ loves the church," as I often prayed. I've got to calm down before Merik gets here.
"Beep, beep, beep," the sound of my 4:30 a.m. alarm on Friday quickened my feet and then my phone rang. "Good morning Sunshine, did I wake you?" My eyes became fixed on the phone as I smiled thinking of a clever response. "Yes you did, but what's better to wake up to?" "Some chocolate legs, I mean some hot coffee and beignets," smirks Merik as he laughs at his own cunning remark. "God, create in me clear and gentle thoughts. And please, just for me, don't allow this man to smell as good as he did the first time. Amen," as I continued to pray my way through the pending visit. I needed prayer, prayer that delivers, to make it through this weekend. This hot August morning was on it's way to sweltering hot if Merik laid one of those kisses on me at the airport.
Yes! A soft embrace and no kissing, as we rushed off to what became our favorite spot in the city for coffee and beignets. Merik had artfully spoken earlier in the week of how my soft lips compared to the texture and taste of the powdered sugar. I didn't know whether to grab a bag of beignets and head back home to let Merik knead the powdered sugar over my lusting body or to be a lady and cool my heels for the weekend? Either way, this man had my full attention.
I was ready to take on the city with Merik, but seems like he had other plans. "Let's take a ride to the country," says Merik. "Sure we can," I replied, although I was unsure of what part of the country he was referring to. "Road trip!," I exclaimed, as I opened my hand to embrace his. As we were enjoying the rhymes and beats of our shared favorite rap artist, Mystikal, Merik looked at me with that intense stare of his and softly remarks, "Your face is gorgeous." Of course the shy, demure girl inside of me just smiled and looked away. I needed a moment to come back to Earth. This ride, this ride was leading somewhere, somewhere neither of us had been before. I was along for the ride, even if I didn't know the destination. I trusted him and it became strikingly easy to do so.
Long walks and chatter along the country bayou, meeting one another's families, accepting his adoration of each meal I prepared over the weekend, and just listening to the beat of his heart as we lay on the veranda facing the lake, were all apart of a scenario I could become accustomed to. "Just say so," remarked Merik as we lay sprawled across the veranda. I was caught off guard by his sentiment, but was too idealistic to believe he was being forward in any way. "Merik, what do you mean? I've been open with you," as I stared into his eyes. "I believe you, but I also believe
both of us are too guarded to admit what's happening here," says Merik. I knew what he meant, and I agreed.
"Fine, I'll say so: My world has been missing you. I'm trying hard not to overreact. I'm in deeper than I care to admit. There you have it, my deepest feelings," as I tried to avoid looking into those deep brown eyes. "No, I don't have it. I don't have what's missing in my life. I don't have you permanently in my life. You think I flew here to simply talk? We've been good at that for the past six months, right? (placing his hand gently against the curve of my face). I'm not impulsive and I think you are aware of my thought processes by now. I choose you. So when I ask you to be my
wife, know that I mean it, I've prayed about the outcome, and have no intention of accepting the word, 'No,' should that be your first response," replied Merik as the sunset beamed across his handsome face. What was happening here? I was officially quiet, with no response to offer, for the first time in my life.
"So CeCe, as Merik wrapped me in his arms, can you trust me to be the only man you wake up next to, to provide your needs, to protect your heart, and to sample every delicious meal you will create for the rest of your life? I need you to be my wife. And before you answer, know that I mean now, not later," pulling me in closer and planting a gentle forehead kiss. I never thought anyone could make me feel this way, no matter how much I prayed for this moment. Could this be God's way of answering the call? Instantly, I was reminded of the tears I cried in prayer, the
promises of a good life that I didn't have to run from, and a gentle reminder of the protection and peace I had found in Merik.
"Yes, Honey, as the tears crept down my face, I trust you. I do, I do need to be your wife." And in a matter of seconds, Merik reached into his pocket and presented me with the most beautiful royal blue sapphire and diamond ring, guiding it onto my quivering finger. Stunned would be an understatement to describe this moment! Was this the ring from the magazine clipping left on my nightstand? How did he know I loved this ring? This moment can't be true!
"It took 94 beats of the heart for you to respond to my question, 94. I couldn't breathe until you replied, just as much as I haven't been able to breathe since I departed from you during Mardi Gras. Thank you for 'just saying so.' I love you CeCe, my Corinn, my Sweet P. My God, how I've needed you!" remarked Merik as he wrapped his arms around the small of back. The quivering continued, as Merik spent the next two days gazing into my eyes, giving passionate
kisses, and the two of us sleeping in separate bedrooms to avoid fanning the flames.
Ninety-four days later, I became Mrs. Merik Pierre Christenson, with Elayna by our side, along with 40 of our closest family and friends. "My Sweet P, as he affectionately called me as a sign of endearment, we prayed for this right? This whole broken road we've been on has led us to this moment, to that winter day right here on this corner. I'm so glad you trust me the way that you do. You saved me from myself in so many ways. This day was written in the stars for us. I wanted to marry you in the same time frame it took for me to hear the sweetest words I'll ever hear, with all ninety-four beats of my heart suspended in time, waiting to hear you say you'd be my wife. Thank you for trusting me this much," added Merik, as I wiped the tears from streaming down his face. Standing together, wrapped in his embrace in the same spot on Durocher Avenue where we first met, the photographer captured this intimate moment after the ceremony.
I was finally able to breathe while soaking the day away in a hot bath drawn by my attentive husband. What a beautiful day celebrated with our friends and family! I could feel the gentle response of God saying, "You have trusted me, and now I can trust you to take this next step." I needed Merik to take hold of this temple and to give us both what we had increasingly desired the past nine months. Every inch of this 38, 30, 42 needed the attention of his hands. Quivering as much as I had during our first kiss, I'd never felt like this. Adorned in the most alluring shade
of purple, he gathered my body upon his lap like a king on his throne. I let down my guarded quivering legs, draped in fine lace, and left my heart right there in his hands, with my four-inch high heels planted firmly to the floor. We consummated our marriage through every kiss, every groan, whisper, and sigh, knowing every part of His promise had been fulfilled, as we gently allowed each other's tears to warm our breasts. This love was truly unlike any other. "I finally got my chocolate legs," remarks Merik as we both chuckled. "I just want to watch you sleep," whispers Merik, as he tucked me into his chest, sweeping the hair away from my face. This space was sacred, just for me. "Just keep me right here, chocolate legs and all. I'm not going anywhere. Love you, Mr. Christenson. Good night."
Reflecting on our individual relationships with God, as we journeyed through the beginning of our dating phase, we realized our prayers were similar: We prayed for holy intimacy, family, and overall legacy. Eventually, we also realized that our meeting was not by happenstance, but rather a meeting of two souls who held the same desires. We were tired of the redundancy of broken relationships and tired of failing to see and treat ourselves as precious to Him. We were seeking to be found as a soulmate, not merely a soul-tie. The night before Merik journeyed to New Orleans, I took time to remind God of the faithfulness I wanted to show regarding holding my body as his temple. I knew I was weak, had desires, and Merik's charm did not make for a less tempting moment during visits. Merik later
discussed his previous desires for holy intimacy and his covenant with God to break the cycle he'd been on sexually, and how this covenant attributed to his decision to officially date, then marry me. The promises of God regarding his leadership and partnership as a husband were burdened by his journey through failed relationships, a child with a woman he had no intentions to marry, and a derailment of his career. A simple soft nudge to travel to New Orleans has changed both our lives forever.
Merik was seeing another woman during the time we met and was close to making yet another mistake. I was in the habit of throwing myself into my work to pass the days. "One night we discussed how we both wanted to give ourselves in whole to someone very special in a holy way. Your convictions about your past and the future you were working towards, made my decision quite easy to end the relationship I was in. You made being a selfless and determined man easy," said Merik during an intimate moment on our first morning as husband and wife. God, I couldn't have molded this mate for my life if I tried. Thank you, Sir. And so, we have lived together according to His promise; "The two will become one flesh." (1 Corinthians 6:16)
What shall we render to change the path?
Self-awareness and admittance of the discourse of one's own life.
Time alone with God in prayer, studying, meditating, and in fellowship with other believers who are devoted to assisting you along the way.
Obey the nudges. Trust the power of the holy spirit working inside of you to protect you from all manners of harm and to lead you to the desires of the heart that align with His will for your life.
Acknowledge his grace, his mercy, and give him the glory for every destiny fulfilled. We did not get here alone.
Every heartbeat is a second of life He has granted to us to dream, to do amazing things, and to meet awesome people on this journey. Don't waste time. Every heartbeat, every opportunity, make them count.
Today, gather yourself in a quiet space and begin meditating on the following 12 foundational scriptures:
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Ephesians 4:17-32
Ephesians 5: 1-33
Philippians 4:6-7
Proverbs 5:23
Colossians 3: 5-14
Proverbs 14:1, 27
Proverbs 16:20-22
Romans 3:20, 23-24
Romans 5:1-8
Galatians 5:13-26
Revelation 2:7
Find a place to fellowship with other like-minded and like-hearted believers. In the meanwhile,
may your servitude be strengthened, and your stewardship awakened.
Finally, BELIEVE that a soulmate is looking for you, praying for you. Be found in a receptive state
with a made-up mind. Be blessed.
Cherise Collins Roman is a Provisional Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Louisiana. Cherise believes biblical principles of stewardship, discipleship, followship, fellowship, worship, evangelism, and prayer, as tiers of the church, should also serve as tiers of the family for: Effective parenting/co-parenting, decision making, conflict resolution,as a formula for various relationship dynamic issues, and overall family structure.
Cherise has been married for 18 years and as an "open book" type of person, she allows her interesting journey through dating and marriage to inspire others. Cherise aspires to continue strengthening families through philanthropy, media such as books and film, and community and civic-based partnerships.
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